Exile
by Vithian
Summary: Skoodge really didn't want to live the rest of his life out on the dirt-ball named Earth with a slightly less-than-sane Invader, but it seems that, once again, Fate had screwed him over.


**A/N: Wow, been a while since I published something. Anyway, this was meant to be one long oneshot, but I have decided to post it in chapters so I can get something out before I go away. And, I'm posting a thank you list that most of the people on it probably won't ever see, but damn it, I'm going to do it!**

_The Wandering Apocalypse_: You are seriously one of the most awesome people to have long, rambly conversations with. You are also a fantastic writer. Thank you for listening to my long rants of nothing and attempted character dissectione. Thank you.  
_The-Lady-Smaell_: Even though you tried to steal my Toblerone, you are still the awesome Almighty Yaoi Overlord. You brought the Yaoinator into life, an idea that I put no thought into, and you made him an awesome Schwarzenegger sound-a-like who forced yaoi into being. I thank you, for being you.  
_Pokeyspot_: You share my crazy and love of the Giant Squid, and let's face it, even if I tried to feed you to him, we're still friends, right? I mean, I'd give you Smaell's piece of Toblerone, but I'd run into the same problem as before, that being that I can't get it through the screen... Thank you for being awesome...  
_Illisandria Carthain: _I hope I spelt your name right... Anyway, there is a chance that you might see this... I must thank you for writing 777, and now there's a sequel, and it's awesome and I'm soooo excited! Just... Thank you.

That's all I can think of off the top of my head. Anyone else will get a mention in another story! So, I'm sorry if I forgot you, but send a message, leave a review and I'll write something up!

Anyway, only reason I'm posting this is because I'm going away tomorrow and really wanted to post something. Think of this as a Christmas/New Year's Present! Merry Christmas, Happy New Years, and all that!

Oh, and this is yaoi. They're also slightly out of character... You have been warned...

* * *

  
The Earth was probably the last place Skoodge wished to be.

Not only was it filled with harmful objects, dirty humans, and _water_, but the Tallest wished for him to team up with Zim. Which was horrible.

Skoodge was a devoted friend, and Zim was one of the only Irkens who didn't talk down to him because of his size (Zim couldn't really talk, he was shorter). No, Zim talked down to him, because the only person Zim _didn't_ talk down to was the Tallest. Because that would get him killed, and Zim would rather die than disrespect his Tallest. He, like all Irkens, lived and breathed for his leaders, even if he threatened their lives at certain points in time. His intentions were good – sort of…

That didn't mean that Skoodge couldn't silently curse his Tallest for sending him to the Irk-forsaken planet with the pitiful Invader who was probably trying to get him killed, because he was 'a threat to the mission'.

So far, Zim had tried to feed him to a brain sucking monster ("I needed a guinea pig, and the Dib-Thing is too far away!"), fire him from a cannon ("The projection isn't working right, I need something heavier than Gir."), try to use him as a spy ("This glue should attach you to the Dib-Beast's roof quite nicely!") and so much more, that Skoodge was at his breaking point. Not only were Zim's plans long and unnecessarily complicated, but they usually resulted in some kind of physical harm for Skoodge, whilst Zim remained safe back at the base. He didn't even know who this 'Dib' was. According to Zim, he was the one thing standing in the way of Earth's destruction, but Skoodge was starting to doubt whether 'Dib' actually existed, or if Zim had lost more of his sanity due to being stuck on this water-sphere of horribleness.

He tried calling the Tallest, pleading for anything but this! They didn't answer, and Skoodge didn't have Zim's devotion to sit there for three hours, saying "My Tallest" over and over until they did. Besides, unlike the shorter Irken, Skoodge knew why he was on Earth.

It was a banishment. Zim was here because he really was a horrible Invader, even if the Irken didn't realise this. That, and he kind of destroyed the capital of Irk, took down half the power grid, killed all the other Invaders of Operation Impending Doom I and the two previous Tallest… The list of offenses was endless, really. Skoodge was here because he conquered the first planet of Operation Impending Doom II, but he was too short to be the Tallest's poster Irken, so they sent him here to keep him quiet and out of Invada Grapa's way.

It didn't matter whether Zim conquered Earth or not, he was stuck here. He couldn't quit being banished this time.

"Computer?" His voice was tired and scratchy. How Zim managed to stay sane on this planet was beyond him… Perhaps sane was the wrong word, considering the other's mental stability.

"Hmm?" The deep voice responded, not too happy with Skoodge interrupting the nice silence that had been floating around the base since Zim disappeared some four hours ago.

"Where exactly is Zim?" Skoodge asked, not entirely sure he wanted to know the answer. But, he was an Irken Invader, and Zim was his partner – it was his duty to know if he was in trouble, even if he felt like feeding his 'partner' to a Hogulas.

"Simulation room, doing something or other…" The computer wished that this second Invader would stop questioning where the shorter Food Service Drone was, and just enjoy the fact that he wasn't here.

Skoodge didn't reply, satisfied with the answer. But, now he had nothing to entertain himself with. Gir had run off to see a monkey eat a taquito or something, and Mini Moose bored him anyway. What use was it conversing with an animal that could do nothing but squeak? With a sigh, Skoodge made the decision to look around this dirt ball of a planet, do some recon or something. He had no desire to take over Earth, it had no use, but even if the reason he was here was obvious, a mission was a mission, and an Invader must always complete their assigned task.

Putting his disguise on, which was just a hologram that made him look human, Skoodge made his way to the front door. Walking past the mirror, the Irken stopped and stared. No matter how many times he wore the disguise, it always unnerved him when he saw his reflection.

Instead of the trademark green skin, ruby eyes and antenna, he now bore incredibly pale skin, large grey eyes and a mop of thick black hair that fell just over his eyes. His clothes had slightly changed too, the same, skin tight black pants that every Irken wore, and a dark pink shirt with striped sleeves. It wasn't what he would've chosen, but it didn't really matter.

Opening the front door and making his way past the gnomes, Skoodge simply wandered down the street, attracting no attention, just like always. This was fine, as it was sort of important that he blend in. Unlike Zim, he knew when subtlety was needed.

He soon reached a road, and realised that he had to find some place to wander. Nowhere near water, MacMeaties was disgusting… The park? It was a cloudy day, probably wouldn't be too many people there… With a shrug, Skoodge headed down the path, letting his mind wander.

All too soon, the green of the grass came into view, and Skoodge succumbed to boredom again. Why was this planet so dull? Irk wasn't meant for entertainment, yes, but there was always more training to complete, always a planet to conquer… This planet, however, had nothing of the sort. It was mind numbingly boring.

"Z-Zim?" A high pitched, nervous voice rang in the Irken's non-existent ear, the pitch making his antenna vibrate. Confused, Skoodge turned around, trying to locate the source. After climbing into a bush, he had a pretty good view of the speaker, who was indeed talking to a disguised Zim.

The two were standing on the path, the human turning an interesting red colour, whilst Zim just looked embarrassed and annoyed.

"Worm-Baby, if you must stop and stare like the moron you are, at least release the mighty Zim's hand first!"

_'Is…. Is Zim flustered?'_ Skoodge shook his head. _'No, Zim doesn't get flustered…'_

**You didn't think he held human's hands either…  
**  
_'Quiet you!'_

"But Zim, you grabbed my hand…" The human trailed off, confused.

"Filthy Hu-" Zim immediately cut off his speech, took a deep breath, and started over. "Keef, do not question my motives. Just accept them." And with that, Zim started walking, dragging the extremely happy Keef along, who had recovered enough to start chattering on and on about the circus.

_'What the…?'_

"Does it disturb you too?" A voice sounded from right beside him. Skoodge didn't yell out, just a slight stiffening of the muscles in shock. Many years as Zim's first and only friend had taught him to expect the unexpected. Glancing to the side, Skoodge noticed a big headed boy who was also crouching in the bush, watching Zim and the Keef-Human as well. "They meet up every couple of days. He's planning something, I know it!" He continued, not even paying attention to the Irken.

"Um, who exactly are you?"

"Why should I tell you? You're an alien too!" The boy screeched out, instantly wary, jumping out of the bush. Several people stopped and stared, but after seeing the telltale scythe hairdo, they moved on, more than used to the boy's antics.

"I _think _you have me confused with someone else…" _'This human has no proof, he can't do anything…' _But, despite the reassurances he kept repeating over and over in his mind, all he could think about were tubes and dissection tables, images Gir put in his head after forcing him to watch a Monster Movie Marathon all about aliens, which ended with a truamatised Irken and a robot cheering for Earth.

"You can stand to be in Zim's company for more than an hour. You can't be human." Scythe-Boy had a point…

"What about what's-it's-name?"

"Keef?"

"Yeah, him."

"I'm starting to doubt whether he's human too…" Scythe-Boy muttered, before remembering who he was talking to. "Hey! Stop changing the subject!"

"Ri-ight… I'm just gonna go over here for a while…" Skoodge tried to remove himself from this human's presence, it made his Squeedily-Spooch feel funny. He began to walk down the path, heading in the opposite direction to Keef and Zim.

"Wait up!" _'Couldn't this big headed boy take a hint?'_ "Can't we keep talking?"

"Um, why?" This wasn't what Skoodge expected. The boy had been receiving strange looks from everyone they passed, and his mood kept swinging... It was all horribly confusing. Besides, if Zim got back before him, that meant that he'd have to explain where he was, and sometimes, Zim could pick up on a lie. Skoodge wasn't willing to take the chance that he was having one of his 'sane' days.

"Well, you're not hostile, at least, you haven't tried to kill me or anything. And, even though I know you've been here for a while, I haven't seen you try to destroy the Earth or anything-"

"Wait, how do you know that I've been here for a while?" Skoodge immediately stopped walking, giving the human boy a funny look.

"Cameras." The boy offered, "That, and I've been stalking Zim since I was eleven." This simply earned him another funny look from Skoodge, who was wondering just what this boy knew.

"But, why do you think Zim and I are aliens?"

"For a start, you're 'older brother'," The big headed boy raised his hands, making his fingers look like quotation marks, "came here roughly two years ago, yet you only appeared mysteriously last month, joining my sister's class and claiming to be another foreign exchange student."

"That doesn't prove anything." Skoodge started walking again, the boy matching his stride.

"Maybe not alone, but one day, I will blow your cover." Scythe-Boy vowed, staring straight in Skoodge's eyes, freaking him out slightly.

"Can we… talk about something else?"

"Why? Scared of revealing something?"

"No, but you're kind of intimidating…" Skoodge looked up at the taller boy, slightly frightened. In the back of his mind, he knew that this boy was just another human, not a threat at all, but his Irken mind instantly recognised height with superiority, and the aura of danger this boy was admitting made him step back in fear. All Irken smeets were taught that those taller than them deserved respect and devotion; it was just how things were. And even though things were different on Earth, he couldn't quite shake off the feeling of unease whenever he talked to someone taller than him. "Please… Step back…"

The boy tilted his head to the side slightly, wondering where the brave, smaller 'human' from before went. Never had Zim reacted this way to intimidation, which prompted the question; Why was Skoodge different?

"Dib…" The boy muttered, and Skoodge only heard him due to his superior Irken hearing.

"What?" Clutching his eyes shut, the Irken tried to ignore the way his voice shook.

"My name. It's Dib."

"Skoodge." The Irken said, returning the favour. So the Dib-beast, as Zim so often called him, did exist after all. _'Huh. Guess I owe Zim a telepathic apology.'_

"Are you helping Zim?" Dib whispered, his eyes narrowing.

"I… Not really."

"Then, why are you here?"

"I guess you could say I was banished."

"What did you do?"

"What I was supposed to."

"But, that doesn't make sense!"

"So?"

To this, Dib had no answer. With a smirk, Skoodge set off, not really caring where he went.

"Hey, wait!" Dib rushed after the Irken in disguise, not wanting to end the conversation just yet. He had never really talked to an alien, as most of his discussions with Zim were shouted insults. "Where exactly are you going?"

"Away from Zim and his creepy Earth-friend who speaks in much too higher pitch." Skoodge didn't turn around to see if Dib was even close enough to hear him. He could feel the human's eyes on the side of his head, and although most would find it unnerving, he just found comforting to know that someone cared. Now that Dib had stopped glaring at him, Skoodge was much less intimidated by his height.

"What, Keef?" Dib put his hands in his trench coats pockets. "Yeah, he's annoying. I don't know what Zim sees in him."

"You sound jealous."

"What?" The human's face started to turn pink. "NO! Never, not in a million years, not even if Bigfeet came and demanded it, not-"

"I get it." _'God, he's almost as annoying as this Keef._' Skoodge rolled his eyes, but didn't leave Dib's company. It was… nice to talk to someone who wasn't as egotistical as Zim, as insane as Gir or as boring as the Computer.

Maybe exile wouldn't be so bad.


End file.
